Here goes nothing...

I have been spending a lot of time alone lately. Not in the "loner" sense, but in the "getting to know myself" sense. At first I did feel like a loner, and that had a lot to do with my circumstances. I moved to this city while I was dating someone that lived here. Most, if not all, of the people that I saw on a regular basis were people that were friends of his. After that relationship ended, I still had contact with a lot of the same people, and although I love them and enjoy their company, it didn't feel fulfilling enough. I need my own friends with whom I can build a relationship separate from a significant other. So, I started separating myself from that group. Not completely, I still go to concerts and BBQs with them, and of course there is Jake who hardly counts since I knew him first, but he tends to be amongst that group. So, now I don't have many friends around me, so I have been taking this opportunity to really get to know myself better. I have re-connected with some old friends who live far away, and that is a great thing. I still would like to see and hug and hang out with all of those people, but it's not always possible.

I didn't think I could live in this city anymore for a while. It's expensive and it's cold and it's hard to make friends. But I am becoming swayed. I don't know what did it, but I feel like I could stay here for a while. Of course I could change my mind again after the winter! I had big plans to move back to Modesto for the summer then go to Spain for a school year, but now I'm not as convinced. Maybe I will transfer to SF State or CSU East Bay. There are so many options and possibilities, it's a little overwhelming! I guess I'm beginning to realize that I can't always move to make things "better". I need to be able to find fulfillment wherever I am. That doesn't mean that I have to stay somewhere I hate, but I have learned to try instead of giving up.

I finally have a declared major and a hazy, yet promising path to follow. That has helped me find motivation to stick with school even though it's exhausting to work full time and take full time units! I am majoring in Spanish and I want to teach in a middle school. But I also want to become certified to teach ESL. I would love to be able to travel and do that, but I have been volunteering in an ESL class in the Mission District and it has been one of the coolest experiences. There are so many people right here that don't speak English and haven't had the proper education to give them that push and drive to learn. Thursday nights have become one of my favorite times of the week. The students are so much fun to be around and they are really warming up to me. I was talking with my roommate Lindsay last night about how I am happiest when I have students. That's how I know that I want to be a teacher.

That's all for now, maybe next time I'll write about something interesting instead of just my boring life ;-)